Add to Basket …

So having taken advise and looked into it thoroughly, for various reasons I have decided that I am going I am going to get my sperm from a Danish bank. ‘Going to get my sperm’ … sentences I never thought I would say! It is also totally hilarious to me how clinical it all is. Such sexy chat.

Anyway, who wouldn’t want a Viking baby? Denmark is consistently rated the happiest nation in the world, they live their life in a state of hygge (something I have unknowingly abided by all my life … my hatred of over head lighting and love of scarves know no bounds!) Also think it is safe to say they are pretty gorgeous too – which, you know, can’t hurt. Not to mention the fact that being blonde / blue eyed there is a good chance the babe and I will look like we belong together! There are also lots and lots of donors. Which is both great and daunting at the same time.

So off I go to investigate how I go about making this huge decision of whose genes will my babe carry in addition to mine? Obviously I haven’t actually spoken to the clinic yet so I am not 100% sure what I am looking for (there are lots of acroynms on each profile and I have no idea what they mean. I have made guesses but I think this is probably not a scenario for guess work!) There is also a huge discrepancy in cost. My assumption is that the more expensive the better, but then surely it should all be expensive? Why would you go for the Tesco Value option … you just wouldn’t. Not for this. For pasta, absolutely but for sperm, you go Finest surely?

Anyway I have looked on the site just a few times because it is mind blowing. It is like a dating website. There are filters (open – can they be contact when said child is 18, ethnicity, hair colour, height, weight … it literally goes on forever!) for you to drill down to your perfect match. The one you will likely never meet but will change your life forever. There are profiles stating their favourite childhood memory, their favourite colour, do they like animals, what is their favourite music, samples of their hand writing etc etc. There are even audio files of them explaining why they are donors. The best bit is that they have photos of them as a baby. Clearly this doesn’t really help in anyway but it is good to know they are real.

So where on earth do you start? Do I really want to dismiss someone because their Gran (yep you know about maternal / paternal grandparents too) was 6ft2, that they like purple (a colour that I am just not a huge fan of,) or that they can’t play the guitar? It is truly mind boggling. It is blowing my tiny mind. Everytime I go on the site I look at one or two then come off. Frazzled. Not until I know exactly what I need once I have spoken to the clinic will I look properly. This is when everyone wants to get involved, my niecephews are beyond excited. Then again, if I am mind boggled, do I really want other peoples opinions added in to the mix (‘Oh god I hate guys who aren’t good with their hands,’ ‘Of course you will be picking someone with dark hair won’t you?’ etc etc)

Then the most bizarre part of all this, is once I have made this life altering decision, you just simply press ‘add to basket.’ That’s all you do. Like buying the latest Nigel Slater tome on Amazon. Add to basket. Add to basket and alter the course of our life forever.


Photo: This is how my brain feels when I look at sperm donors.

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